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redneck step dad?

May 24, 2011

Another pretty solid night of slumber allowed my imagination the room it needs to romp!

Truth be told, it romped through some unsettling territory last night. In my dream, my mom was sick of my dad and divorced him. She needed someone “earthy,” I guess, because she settled on tall, pale, and grizzled. He wore a leather vest. He might have been missing teeth.

We were all in his kitchen, and he was teaching us how to make orange soda chicken with tater tot casserole. Now, let me just tell you what each of these entails, though the names pretty much say it all. According to redneck step-dad, orange soda chicken is made by placing chicken (thighs, wings, breasts…whatever) into a glass casserole dish, and pouring an entire can of orange soda on top. No other seasoning is necessary. Tater tot casserole is, I’m pretty sure, a thing in real life that I saw on 17 Kids and Counting when it was only a TLC special and not a TLC series. It can be found here. Actually, now I’m curious about orange soda chicken…

Hot damn! It’s real! And with only two or three more ingredients than my brain suggested. I’m a culinary genius, it seems.

Anyway, there he was, my new dad, teaching us to make wholey unhealthy meals that bore no resemblence to actual food. He was friendly and talkative, with a strong desire to bond with myself and my siblings. Yet, as I left that house, I couldn’t help from exclaiming, “I HATE THAT GUY!”

The more I think about the whole thing, the sadder it gets. I think I need to call my dad.

Note: After I posted this I went to do a little reading on that orange soda chicken recipe. Here’s a piece of one review: “The chicken also had a nice orange color to it, very pretty to look at…” So, that should scare you.

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