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surpise trip

June 11, 2011

Pete’s brother and sister-in-law (future) are moving to Arizona right after their wedding in July, and Pete asked me if I could take a week off to help move them out there. My immediate response:


Then, a later response tempered by my anxiety and fear:

“Um. Yeah. But, I don’t know. What about work? How can I get a week off now? How do we get back? What will we do? Do we just drive there and fly back immediately? What if the plane crashes on the way home? It’s probably really hot there. I want to lose 15 more pounds before we go.”

I think I have a lot of travel anxiety. My dream from last night is a clear indication.


I am sitting in a classroom with all my family and friends gathered around. I believe I am going on a class trip for a few days. We’ll be taking a plane to get there. I tell my mom, “Okay, see you in a few days!” She responds, “What? I won’t see you for a few months!”

The news jolts me into a panic.  I begin to look around for someone that seems authoritative on the subject of where we are going and for how long. I end up talking to a girl I knew in college who confirms that we are A.) Going to Australia for five and a half weeks, and B.) After that, we are just going to travel around for five months. We won’t be home for half a year, at least.

I start to cry. I can’t believe I signed up for this. Why didn’t anyone tell me we’d be gone for so long? I don’t have the clothes I need! I don’t have the appropriate luggage! I’m going to miss my family! What will I do with a bunch of strangers for six months? Through a teary-eyed rage I’m ranting about how angry I am at feeling duped into buying a ticket for something I don’t want to do.

My mother reminds me that I knew all along, I probably just forgot the details. She also reminds me that I don’t have to go if I don’t want to. I don’t have to use the ticket. I can just turn around and go home if I feel like it (but if I do, I’ll be eternally regretful, having wasted money and the chance to do something extraordinary in life). I don’t know what to do. I know if I let everyone go without me, I’ll feel good and safe for a little while, and then regret my choice when everyone comes home with awesome tales of travel. But, I can’t get over feeling like the plane will probably crash on the way there. Is it really worth it to take the risk? In the end I decide to get on the plane, even though I am crying the whole time. The college girl gets annoyed with me, and I look out the window at my reflection and make a mental note of how ugly faces are when they sob.


I am at Kohl’s, and it is packed with people and stuff (much like in real life). I’m there to buy a baby shower gift for my cousin. I keep seeing cute plush things, but for some reason everything looks like the wrong thing to buy. There’s a really cool frame with marbles on it (at least, I thought it was cool in my dream), but after picking it up I realize that she’s already got one of those. The other customers keep pressing in on me, and there are about a million things in this tiny section of the store, so I know I’ll never find what I want.

Then the alarm went off, and I had to go to work.

One Comment leave one →
  1. June 11, 2011 9:36 pm

    I’m preparing to embark on a cross-country road trip/move in real life, and am going through waves of excitedment/panic, just as you described 🙂

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