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strummin’ on the ol’ leather strap

March 27, 2012

I’ve already been awake long enough that some memories of last night’s dream are pretty hazy, but I felt that this one was worth putting in.

I’m at my father’s 50th birthday celebration, hanging out with my cousins and chatting with friends and relatives. One cousin approaches me and asks me to join her in some song in honor of my dad. I think that’s a great idea, because — SURPRISE! — I am an awesome bassist. And I play an upright bass that has only one string. That string is a leather strap, kind of an old dingy belt. I pull the strap tight to make sure the sound is right. I have the bass in one hand and the bow in the other. The bow’s string is also a leather strap, so what I’m doing is really just rubbing two leather belts against each other. Magically, they produce this deep, fantastic sound. I’m feeling pretty good about myself and about the song.

At some point, an old roommate from college approaches me and asks me if I’d like to join her band in Colorado in like, five minutes. I am nervous about letting such a great opportunity slip out of my hands, so I agree, but then remember I’m at a birthday party and isn’t that rude? I try going to the bathroom to think it over but the bathroom doesn’t have any walls. It’s just a big open tiled space with a toilet, a shower head (no stall or walls for the shower), and a very large commercial sink on the wall. There are new orange towels soaking in it. An old lady comes by while I’m peeing and turns on the shower, drenching me and everything else that was hanging near the shower (some dry towels).

I get annoyed and run out of the bathroom to the backyard, where I see a half-inflated blimp, with the former roommate standing by it, waiting for it to fully inflate so we can all get in it to go to Colorado. As it fills up, my mind keeps shooting from one possibility to the next, and I still can’t make up my mind about whether I want to go. But, since I told her I would, I feel like I’m duty bound to go, even if I half don’t want to. We get into the balloony part and just as we’re about to take off, I break down. I cry. I can’t go to Colorado! I’m scared and I’ll miss my family! The former roommate is pissed–why didn’t I just tell her that in the first place so that she didn’t make plans? I try to explain to her how awful I feel about the entire situation. I hate feeling confused. I hate feeling beholden. I hate having doubts. I hate not being able to make up my mind. I hate going back on a decision. I hate that I’m a poor planner. I hate that I can’t ever just take a leap.  I hate that I couldn’t tell her sooner. I hate disappointing people. I hate being scared of every possible situation that could arise in life!

And she was annoyed and went to Colorado without me. I went back to my family and was mostly happy, but still had some doubts. And then I woke up.

…and anyway, that’s pretty much how I feel about my decision-making skills in a nutshell. So, I’d say this dream is a pretty accurate reflection of how I feel about life when it comes down to making choices.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Jeeze, Julia! permalink
    April 6, 2012 1:26 am

    Aww, have confidence! You seem so cool and collected on the outside (everyone is a wimp inside their own brain, though). “I believe in you, Peter!”

    I realize the above quote is out of place for a couple of reasons. One, you may not get it seeing as you are not Ryan or I — we quote this all the time. And, two, I’ve heard you don’t like the movie Hook. I’ll let that go THIS TIME. Just don’t let me hear it again. 🙂


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